Sugar Free Caramel

So my Gender and Women's Studies 445 professor asked us to do presentations and they could range from personal stories about our bodies to a cultural artifact that relates to things we've learned in class. I wrote a poem about myself and at the request of my persistent blonde roommate, I decided to post it here.

Hope you enjoy. 

~Sugar Free Caramel~

By Katie Hands

My father is black and my mother is white

That makes me dark but it also makes me light

I change like the seasons, getting colder and getting warmer

Does that mean I am my father in the summer and my mother in the winter?

People try to identify me

While I struggle to identify myself

My parents see color and so do I

I see it in plain sight while others pretend it doesn't exist

They tell me they are blind to color

And I almost feel sorry for them

A world without color must literally be dull

I see my two families and the colors they bring to the table

One family is in the dark while one family is in the light

Although under closer inspection we look relatively the same

It's said that the world isn't split into good people and Death Eaters

That we all have light and dark inside of us

Does it matter if mine is seen on the outside too?

Color almost exists in a world of it's own

Where "white" dabbles in polygamy

Married to privilege, access and opportunity

While "black" stays monogamous

Settling down beside prejudice
Ironically society frowns upon the former lifestyle choice

If culture sees my mother as light and radiant

They does it see my father as dark and sinister?

Are they a non theatrical version of Beauty and the Beast?

But then what does that make me?

Am I Glinda the Good Witch when it's 40 degrees

And the Wicked Witch when it's 70?

If I were forced to choose a side

I don't think I could

I can't simply pick a white tree out of a black forest

Or a speck of black sand scattered on a white beach

 Besides, I don't think it would be fair

To choose one over the other

You combine black with white paint and you end up with grey

But the mirror shows me I am not grey

But a simple reflection

A reflection of what society deems safe and what it deems deviant

A reflection of my mother and of my father

Of their bravery, care and love

I am not grey but a reflection

A reflection of myself

My shadow roams free in the sun but it hides in the shade

There is golden hair under the sun and dark hair in the cover of night

I see my father's curls and my mother's ears

My mother's hands and my father's eyes

I am not grey but the offspring

Of opposite ends of the spectrum

I am my mother and I am my father

Thanks to them I can see me

Life's a Bitch

Life is really unfair sometimes. I mean seriously. We all know that nobody likes a tease and yet life is just here to tease us. Dangle the things we want most in our faces and then take them away. I mean what's that about? Are we just supposed to take that lying down? I don't think so. But what can we do really? Nothing. There is absolutely nothing we can do when things are shoved in our faces to only remind us how unattainable they really are.

Things like this:

Or like this:

or this:

and this:

or them:

and this dude:

and this for crying out loud:

and above all, this:

Life really is unfair. So unfair. I guess these things exist in order for us to strive to bigger and better things. Or maybe they're here just to taunt us sexually frustrated people. Lolz.

Singing Our Hearts Out

I love when artists come out with new albums. It always makes me feel so giddy inside. So as of last week, The Script came out with their third album called #3.

It's beautiful of course and there is some serious rapping in this album that I love. This album has been on repeat all weekend.

The album track list goes as such. If you check them out I think you'll find some lovely gems that are worth repeating for days. :D

1. Good Ol' Days
2. Six Degrees of Separation
3. Hall of Fame feat. Will.I.Am (The music video for this is out now!)
4. If You Could See Me Now
5. Glowing
6. Give the Love Around
7. Broken Arrow
8. Kaleidoscope
9. No Words
10. Millionaires

My favorite song off the album is Millionaires.

So here it is. Enjoy. :D

Millionaires

They're kicking us out

Sayin it's time to close

We're leaning on each other

Trying to beat the cold

We carry our shoes

And I give you  my coat

We're walking these streets

Like they're paved with gold

Any old excuse is not to go

Neither one of us wanna take that taxi home

Singing our hearts out

Standing on chairs

Spending our time like we were millionaires

Laughing our heads off

The two of us there

Spending our time like we were millionaires

Lost my heart

And I hope to die

Seeing that sunlight hit your eyes

Been up all night

But you still look amazing to me

We had the type of night 

You only dream about

If God came down

He could take me now

Cuz in my mind we will always be

Singing our heats out

Standing on chairs

Spending our time like we were millionaires

Laughing our heads off

The two of us there

Spending our time like we were millionaires

Look at us it's 6 in the morning

If time was money then we'd be worth a fortune

I swear you ain't think you're rich

You can have a million euro but you can't buy this

Look at us it's 6 in the morning

If time was money then we'd be worth a fortune

I swear you ain't think you're rich

You can have a million euro but you can't buy this

 

And the band was loud

Playing our song

We messed up the lyrics as we sang along

But we didn't care

Cuz it felt like we were the only ones there

OUr feet were sore

Our throats were raw

They're turning off the lights

But we're shouting on

We're shouting on

 

Singing our heats out

Standing on chairs

Spending our time like we were millionaires

Laughing our heads off

The two of us there

Spending our time like we were millionaires

Look at us it's 6 in the morning

If time was money then we'd be worth a fortune

I swear you ain't think you're rich

You can have a million euro but you can't buy this

Look at us it's 6 in the morning

If time was money then we'd be worth a fortune

I swear you ain't think you're rich

You can have a million euro but you can't buy this

 

We're walking these streets

Like they're paved with gold

Any old excuse is not to go

Neither one of us wants to take that taxi home

We're Not a Sad Story

So I saw The Perks of Being a Wallflower yesterday I just have to say that I cried my eyes out. I cry every time I read the book but seeing all of it on screen really set the water works going. Even just listening to the epilogue from that video below makes me cry. Everything was just so perfect. That was the most beautiful and moving film I have seen in a really long time. It effected me right down to the core. It still effects me and I want to go and watch a thousand times over.

It's nice to know that we all go through stuff, we might not go through the same things that Charlie or Sam or Patrick go through but we all go through stuff and we are not alone. There will always be someone in this world who will listen and understand. You're not a sad story. You're a person...a person who learns to survive because you know that there are people out there looking out for you. People who love you; who don't want you to disappear.

There are people out there who will make you feel infinite.

Charlie's Last Letter

I don’t know if I will have the time to write any more letters because I might be too busy trying to participate.

So, if this does end up being the last letter, I just want you to know that I was in a bad place before I started high school and you helped me. Even if you didn’t know what I was talking about or know someone whose gone through it, you made me not feel alone. Because I know there are people who say these things don’t happen and there are people who forget what it’s like to be 16 when they turn 17.

I know these will all be stories someday, and our pictures will become old photographs, and we’ll all become somebody’s mom or dad. But right now, these moments are not stories. This is happening. I am here and I am looking at her. And she is so beautiful. I can see it: this one moment when you know you’re not a sad story. You are alive. And you stand up and see the lights on the buildings and everything that makes you wonder.

And you’re listening to that song on the drive with that people that you love most in this world. And in this moment, I swear we are infinite.

Is She Right Side Up or Upside Down?

I'm still a bit shocked that I saw Freelance Whales last night. They are absolutely amazing performers. Their music is so soothing and beautiful that I can't help but smile when I hear it.

They are wonderful so go check them out and fall in love with them. They're also really nice friendly people as well. :D

Judah Dodan

Chuck Criss

Seriously, if you haven't already discovered these beauties then get right on it. Your life will be so much lovelier.

Oh and their 2nd album Diluvia comes out this Tuesday and their first album Weathervanes is out now.

Over The Horizon

Despite what happened last night on Glee, my Klainebow is still in tact. Kurt and Blaine;s relationship might not be at the moment but my faith in their love for each other is. They'll find their way back to each other. That I'm positive of.

Some how...

Every time I look at you it's like the first time

Your Biggest Fan

The minute I saw this I just had to blog about it.

Darren Criss never ceases to amaze me. Us dedicated fans know how much we love, admire, appreciate, idolize and fanboy/girl out for this wonderful human being. But I think the most impressive thing is to know how much he loves, admires, appreciates and thanks us for being there for him no matter what.

For tonight's episode of Glee entitled "The Break-Up", Darren sang an acoustic version of the song Teenage Dream and not only did he record it for us all to buy and swoon over on iTunes but he did it because this song is very special to him (it's for first song he sang on Glee) and he knows that because it's dear to him, it's dear to us. He also wrote the most amazing letter to celebrate his 2nd Gleeversary on his personal facebook page thanking his fans for everything that we have done for him; for how much support we've given him, how much appreciation we've given him and ultimately how much love. I can't tell you how much this letter means to me and to all of those Darren Criss lovers out there. I have never known a celebrity to do anything of this magnitude before and for thank I thank him a hundred times over.

Here is the letter: It nearly brought tears to my eyes.

Dearest friends-

Though my very first episode aired on TV in November of 2010, the end of this past September actually marked the two year anniversary of a phone call that really turned my life upside down: I was notified that I had been cast as a new character on the popular television series, “Glee.”

Woah.

By that point, some of you had maybe known me from silly youtube videos, and for even less of you- from cafes, restaurants, and bars I used to play music at. Regardless of the when or the how or the why, it’s been been a pretty incredible journey for all of us since that phone call.

Some highlights:

In April of 2010, I was getting ready to start working on what some of you might now know as A Very Potter Musical. I was a senior at the University of Michigan, and I had just read an article about the cast members from the new hit TV series “Glee” singing at the White House. I thought, “Man, that’s insane.” Well, just this past June I took a song I wrote called “Not Alone” that I used in that very same musical I was working on in college, and sang it in person for the President himself... Shortly before I got to fist-bump him.

In July of 2011, I was asked to speak on a Harry Potter-based fan panel in San Diego. I thought I was a bit under-qualified for the job, but was nonetheless excited to be asked to speak on a panel at one of my favorite summer events: Comic-Con! When I got there, I realized that we were given a rough time slot because it was the same exact time as the panel for that same hit TV show, “Glee.” I thought, “Man, this ‘Glee’ thing is really stealin’ my thunder...” Ok, well, the very next year, I couldn’t do the HP fan panel again because I was on that Glee panel.

The crazy stories go on and on, not to mention the little things like magazine covers or hitting Billboard charts, or doing a film with the likes of amazing people like Kristen Wiig, Annette Bening, Matt Dillon... Let’s see, what else, oh, getting to live my dream of doing a Broadway show, and then of course, there was getting to sing “Rainbow Connection” with Kermit the Frog... I mean, these things are unbelievable. Unbelievable. I have a pretty wild imagination, but I never thought any of that could actually happen, let alone in such a relative short period of time.

Here’s the deal- I work hard, I try to make the right decisions and do the best I can with everything I do and all that good stuff- but really, that can only go so far. There are so many contributing factors to what has happened for me that go far beyond my control... And that’s where you come in. You, the fans, have been a huge part of the reason why I’ve been able to do half the things I’ve been able to do.

We live in an unprecedented age of social connectivity, and I am happy to say that you none of you have failed to take full advantage of that. Don’t think I’m not aware of how active the fandom is, or how much impact is has. Remember: Not only am I fan myself, but I do have an internet connection. I see the gifs, I see the fanfics, I see the memes, and it’s all amazing stuff. Though I haven’t met the majority of you, it’s a real thrill to know that many of your lives have come together on behalf of mine. That’s an incredibly moving concept, and the fact that those connections have yielded so much positivity is something even more amazing.

Let’s take my own stories out of the picture for a second- you, as a group, have all accomplished some pretty amazing things yourselves. You done everything from raising money for great causes to organizing awesome flash mobs over the internet to show your support. You have shown up at the crack of dawn and stayed until you’re the last one standing. You have come together to create something far greater than any of us: a real sense of community and a genuine place of support- not just for me but for each other. And I can safely say that I wouldn’t be where I am now if it weren’t for that.

Oftentimes I meet people who challenge me, “You have no idea what you’ve done for me.” Well the truth is, it’s the other way around. I do have an idea, and a pretty good one at that. Because for whatever you may think I may be giving you, you are actually giving back to me, tenfold. And I am constantly wondering when and if it will fade, who will stick around, who will get bored- I often think about the day there won’t be anyone on the other side of the stage door... but despite myself, as time goes on, you all have never ceased to amaze me with your enthusiasm, creativity, and seemingly endless joy that continues to inspire and encourage me.

Tonight is the premiere of the dreaded break-up episode. For many Glee fans, I imagine there will more than reason to be sad. But cheer up, think of it this way: much of your support has allowed me to be on this show long enough to reach a breakup in the first place; it has created a relationship that people cared enough about whereby it was even worth writing an episode about its potential end. I never thought I would get to be around long enough for something like that. And I really have you, the fans to thank for it. It’s something to be proud of.

What’s more, I was even asked to play my own arrangement of teenage dream for this episode- an acoustic piano version which so many of you have supported since I sang it as my first song on my very first episode. I started playing this version at shows as a sort of “thank you” to the fans, for making it such a big song for both myself and the show. It was the song that started everything.

So before the episode airs tonight, I thought it was only appropriate to write a fully fledged note to all of you that could express my deep appreciation for the past two years since that crazy phone call. I hope that this is just the beginning, and that I get to thank you many more times for many more adventures as the years roll by. But for now, know that I am so very grateful for everything you’ve given me, and I am very proud of what we have accomplished together. From teenage dream to teenage dream, thank you for allowing me to live mine.

your biggest fan,
Darren

I think this letter says it all. Just seeing the words "your biggest fan" coming from him means so much to me that I can't even handle it. I just... Darren you are an amazing person and it's because you stay true to you that we are able to stay true to us. 

Loving you until my dying day. 

Your Very Own You

 *Disclaimer* This is my little bit of fandom ranting and evaluating.

I think Blaine is slowly changing. He's becoming the individual he once was when he was a Warbler. The person who didn't need someone else to be there to help him become someone. However, when he found Kurt he found the part of himself he never knew he was missing. He found the strength that he didn't have before. He found the ability to be okay with himself and the way he lives his life. When Kurt came into his life he discovered so much more about himself. But now that Kurt's gone he needs to reevaluate everything about himself. Why he came to McKinley and why he joined the Glee Club. Now that he doesn't have his better half around he needs to fill in that half himself. He needs to figure out what he wants to be...who he wants to be without Kurt. He needs to find out who he really is. He needs to do this on his own and discover his very own Blaine. I think he's finally doing that.

I think he will be a better person for it.

Many people say that Blaine saved Kurt. But I think Kurt saved Blaine. Kurt brought Blaine out of his comfort zone. They went to prom together (despite the fact that Blaine got beat up for wanting to go to a prom at his old high school), they held hands in public, they sang emotional songs to each without any doubts. No matter what happens between him and Kurt they will finally realize that they can each be their own person. They can be their own heroes...whether they're together or apart.

This, however, does not in any way mean that I will be okay when and if Klaine breaks up. I will be torn up inside. Literally. But I will just have to remind myself that their is plenty of time for them to find each other again. Whether it's just a few episodes later or at the end of the season, when they do find their way back to each they will have become better people. They will be able to have a better relationship, one that's stronger and more tender. One that is simply Klaine.

Whatever the outcome of "The Break-Up" episode will be, one thing will remain true: Everything is Klaine and Nothing Hurts. These two are soul mates and soul mates can conquer anything.

So until we find out what happens, I'd like to dedicate this song to Kurt and Blaine. (I shall be changing all of the '"She's" to "He's". I think Ricky would prefer it that way anyways.)

[He's] All I'll Ever Need by Ricky Martin

He's all, he's all I ever had

He's the air I breathe, yeah

He's all, he's all I ever

It's the way he makes me feel

It's the only thing that's real

It's the way he understands

He's my lover, he's my friend

When I look into his eyes

It's the way I feel inside

Like the man I wanna be

He's all I'll ever need

Wow, this is the longest post I've had in a few months. I think that's my cue to stop jabbering. Well I'll leave you with this: May Klaine always be the shining rainbow above your head that makes you believe in love. :D