Why are books turned into glorious movies? To torture me.
Why do people like Jamie Campbell Bower exist? To torture me.
Why do bromances exist? To torture me.
Why does The Mortal Instruments exist? To torture me.
I am officially destroyed.
God, can you imagine if they made The Infernal Devices into movies? That series shattered my heart 6 ways from Sunday and showed me who the love of my life would be. (James Carstairs is my angel found on earth) If they made this series into movies I would never survive.
Oh but I really hope they do. That would be amazing.
God, so I've been thinking about this all weekend and I've come to the conclusion that there is no easy answer. I guess that only thing I can do in order to sort out my feelings is to, well, write them all down.
So here goes.
1. There are definitely some feelings there. But of course there are some feelings. How could there not be? It would be literally impossible to be indifferent at this point. Besides indifference is never good. It just means that you don't care and you should always care. No matter what feeling comes from caring whether it be hate, rage, like or love.
2. There is also love there. A different kind of love then I originally thought or just assumed. I don't really think I could use the term "in love" now (or really ever) because I honestly think I was just in love with the idea of it. You know what I mean? Of course you want to be able to love someone and just because they don't love you in the way you love them doesn't mean that your love for them is meaningless. You're just going to have to deal with that love in a different way. And I've dealt with mine in the only way I really know how. I'm learned not to hold on so tight and that has made everything so much easier.
3. There is definitely an attachment there. That I am 100% sure of. I am extremely attached in ways that I can't even explain. It might go back to the love thing but I'm not sure it applies as it once did. Or I thought it did. But it's also different then it used to be. It's less of an aching attachment and more of "I'm complete" or "everything is better now" sort of attachment. (I seriously used to have this ache in my gut when he wasn't immediately there or when we would talk about going to visit them, he was the only one I was really excited to see or he would be the only one I would be sorry to have to say goodbye to. Which to me sounds extremely twisted. But now I have an excitement (as I should) to see all of them and spend time with them. I'm also okay with leaving them and him included because I know we'll all see each other again) I was fine when he wasn't there right away but I also find that things did feel more complete with him there. And that's how it should be. When one of us is not able to make it, it doesn't feel complete. And family (or "like" family) should feel complete.
4. I've found that I'm able to talk to him easier now. The past few years have been a little strained or forced, I think. Now, it's much simpler. It could just be the fact that he's married and I was forced to let go of whatever feeling (or internal claim) I had. But seriously, we could joke around and laugh. We could actually have a full conversation. We never really used to be able to do that.
5. This kinda goes along with number 1 but I've still kinda got that crush. Maybe it's more of a longing, not really sure. But I don't think that will ever really go away. I'm always happy if he happens to sit next to me or when we cross paths. I can't help but smile to myself when he says my name (even if he's saying it to someone else, like an adorable blonde baby for instance). There was a moment when we were playing cards and our feet accidentally brushed or when he sat next to me on the pontoon and our arms were touching. It's little things like that that will always make me smile. Oh and most of all, like Justin Bieber says, "when you smile, I smile", that he has got a kick you down, knock the breathe out of you smile. Not to mention I'm physically attracted to him. But that's another story. God, he has really nice hands and arms and chest and face. STOP. Not that I was even looking or anything. No.
Stop.
Otay, time to go. Otherwise I just might undo all of the progress I've made.
So I haven't blogged in a really long time and that's mostly because, well, I haven't had anything to blog about. I mean, school is over and I'm not going back in the fall and it seemed to me that this blog was mostly about my adventures/misadventures in college. And since I finished college, I really don't have anything new or exciting to say about the real world. It's the real world and it's boring.
But there are some things (that don't involve me) that are in fact, not boring. And this is one of those things.
So, on July 30th (I think), The Backstreet Boys came out with a new album. I know right! It's very exciting that they're still together and that they're making music still. I love that. Oh and I just have to say that their new album, In a World Like This, is really awesome. And I'm not just saying that because they were in fact my first boy band. They're just as talented as they were in the 90's.
But that being said, they were in my first boy band and you don't, ever, forget your first boy band. Ever. :D
So since graduating I've been doing what ever oyther graduate is doing. Applying for jobs.
I've applied for a bunch of internships at publishing companies in New York and I'm just spending my time now waiting to hear back. This is the worst part I think. Waiting.
The more I think about being out in New York and in the publishing atmosphere, the more excited I get. I just want to get up and get my life started.
I did it! I graduated!! It still feels pretty surreal. Maybe come September it will really hit me when I don't actually have to go back for class but for now I am officially a University of Wisconsin-Madison Alum.
I am totally going to congratulate myself and say "On Wisconsin!"
When I was in the third grade I thought that I was gay
'Cause I could draw, my uncle was, and I kept my room straight
I told my mom tears rushing down my face
She's like "Ben you've loved girls since before pre-k tripping, "
Yeah, I guess she had a point, didn't she?
Bunch of stereotypes all in my head.
I remember doing the math like, "Yeah, I'm good at little league"
A preconceived idea of what it all meant
For those that liked the same sex
Had the characteristics
The right wing conservatives think it's a decision
And you can be cured with some treatment and religion
Man-made rewiring of a predisposition
Playing God, aw nah here we go
America the brave still fears what we don't know
And God loves all his children, is somehow forgotten
But we paraphrase a book written thirty-five-hundred years ago
I don't know
And I can't change
Even if I tried
Even if I wanted to
I can't change
Even if I try
Even if I wanted to
My love
My love
My love
She keeps me warm
She keeps me warm
She keeps me warm
She keeps me warm
If I was gay, I would think hip-hop hates me
Have you read the YouTube comments lately?
"Man, that's gay" gets dropped on the daily
We become so numb to what we're saying
A culture founded from oppression
Yet we don't have acceptance for 'em
Call each other faggots behind the keys of a message board
A word rooted in hate, yet our genre still ignores it
Gay is synonymous with the lesser
It's the same hate that's caused wars from religion
Gender to skin color, the complexion of your pigment
The same fight that led people to walk outs and sit ins
It's human rights for everybody, there is no difference!
Live on and be yourself
When I was at church they taught me something else
If you preach hate at the service those words aren't anointed
That holy water that you soak in has been poisoned
When everyone else is more comfortable remaining voiceless
Rather than fighting for humans that have had their rights stolen
I might not be the same, but that's not important
No freedom till we're equal, damn right I support it
(I don't know)
And I can't change
Even if I tried
Even if I wanted to
My love
My love
My love
She keeps me warm
She keeps me warm
She keeps me warm
She keeps me warm
We press play, don't press pause
Progress, march on
With the veil over our eyes
We turn our back on the cause
Till the day that my uncles can be united by law
When kids are walking 'round the hallway plagued by pain in their heart
A world so hateful some would rather die than be who they are
And a certificate on paper isn't gonna solve it all
But it's a damn good place to start
No law is gonna change us
We have to change us
Whatever God you believe in
We come from the same one
Strip away the fear
Underneath it's all the same love
About time that we raised up
And I can't change
Even if I tried
Even if I wanted to
I can't change
Even if I try
Even if I wanted to
My love
My love
My love
She keeps me warm
She keeps me warm
She keeps me warm
She keeps me warm
Love is patient
Love is kind
Love is patient
Love is kind
(I'm not crying on Sundays)
Love is patient
(I'm not crying on Sundays)
Love is kind
(I'm not crying on Sundays)
Love is patient
(I'm not crying on Sundays)
Love is kind
(I'm not crying on Sundays)
Love is patient
(I'm not crying on Sundays)
Love is kind
(I'm not crying on Sundays)
Love is patient
Love is kind
My bestest friend on this earth showed me this today (she found it on pinterest but it is clearly a tumblr post) and there is no possible way on earth that I could not document this for all eternity and so that's why I'm here.
This is: If Tom Hiddleston were a Rapper. (Or should I say Tommy Hiddles? Yes, no? Okay, no. I shouldn't try and come up with rapper names. Lolz.)
As I was walking out of my last class today, last class of the semester, last class of my college career, it hit me.
I will no longer be an undergrad. I will no longer get to walk this campus as a college student with bright ideas and possibilities about the future. The future is here and it literally just slapped me in the face and it's gonna leave a bruise. A nice, shiny, purple reminder of my last 4 years here and how much I have learned, experienced, enjoyed and hated.
I will miss so much about college. I will miss so much about this campus. I will miss going to class. I will miss meeting new people. I will miss doing things I had never thought I would get the chance to do. I will miss all of the discoveries that I've made about myself but I will always be able to take those with me. College has changed me in so many ways that I don't have enough fingers and toes to count them all. I'm so glad that I got the chance to be here. Had the opportunity and the privilege to attend this great school. I will miss it here.
I guess my dad was right. These past few years have been the best years of my life.
What is it about those eyes
That take me towards the brink of death?
They are imprinted on my eye lids
Bringing light into the darkening abyss
And yet
They are no where within my grasp
They are practically untouchable
Unknowable even
Beware of sea foam green
It could just be the very last thing you ever see
So in my ILS 275 class this week, we are discussing fan culture and what better fan culture to discuss than that of Harry Potter? In my opinion, there is none better.
So I decided to compile a list of all of the Harry Potter fandom related things I could think of and as you can tell by the posting time that this sort of kept me up one night because I just kept thinking of more amazing things that Potterheads do.
12) Tumblr blogs dedicated to Harry Potter. (There are way too many to mention so I only linked one) My own Tumblr blog isn't solely dedicated to Harry Potter but I post tons about it and the background is HP related.
12) The books have been translated into at least 67 different languages
13) Live stream of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 2 from London so everyone around the world could be a part of it.
So I've been recently obsessing over that perfection that is Tom Hiddleston. He is by far that coolest person ever. I know I say that about a lot of people but that's just because there are so many awesome people out there that I could only hope to be in the same breathing space with.
But honestly, I need to take this time to dedicate a post to Tom because he is quite legendary. He is hilarious, a phenomenal actor, humble as can be, so appreciative of what he's doing and the fact that he gets to do it, very invested in helping others (in fact he has done Live Below the Line meaning that he has lived on 5 pounds a day (He talks about it at around 2:20)--not sure what that is in dollars--in order to "raise awareness and compassion for those 1 billion children and their mothers and fathers who live for that every single day of their lives without a choice"), he is beyond handsome and knows how to look dapper as shit without even trying. He is seriously a beautiful bad ass. :D
Even though Tom won Best Villain at the MTV Movie Awards, he is clearly a hero in our hearts. I just love his speech. I've watched it about 10 times now. I can't even stand how cool and awesome he is. And you gotta love that accent.
Thor: The Dark World comes out November 8th. Get ready for some more Loki badassery. :D
Gosh, I just went on an awesome Tumblr spree and I am so happy and giddy right now that I can't even stand it.
Those days of lent must have been the saddest days of my life by far. Seriously, Tumblr makes me so happy that I owe it so much. I'm even smirking right now as I'm writing this and thinking about Tumblr.
If you all don't have Tumblr you should totally get one. It's a pretty simple and easy way to, oh I don't know,...complete your life.
So it's always nice to see bands making a come back after they've been off the scene for a while and Fall Out Boy is definetely making a come back with their new song My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark (Light Em Up) which is a phenomenal song with some incredibly high notes. I'm amazed every time I hear the song at the fact that the lead singer can hit those notes at all. Now I don't normally listen to Fall Out Boy (which would explain why I almost wrote Linkin Park and don't actually know the lead singers name--of either bands) but that's not to say that they don't have good music. In fact, I just hear other songs instead of theirs. Also I guess I just get my punk/rock/alternative bands mixed up. I always for some reason think that Linkin Park sings Apologize which in fact they do not--One Republic does (who I fucking love beyond belief btdubs)--and maybe that's because I saw a music video or a live performance of the song Apologize and immediately thought that it sounded like Linkin Park (maybe I thought that the lead singer of One Republic looked like the Linkin Park guy because because at the time I wasn't really aware of One Republic) and just always thought that that's who sang it and that's stuck with me for years. And I actually can't think of any Linkin Park songs off the top of my head which probably goes to show how little I know about Linkin Park in the first place. Now wait...who sings Boulevard of Broken Dreams?....I totally just had to look that up (which is pretty sad considering that used to be my jam)and had a dumb blonde moment (apologies to any blondes or people who are dumb who may be offended by that statement or its combination of groups of people) when it said that Green Day sings that. Whatever, I clearly get my bands mixed up sometimes.
Anyway the point of this post was not to go off on a rant about how I can't tell the difference between certain songs/bands/band names. It was to talk about how awesome the new Fall Out Boy song is (which is pretty awesome).
So here's the music video if you haven't already seen it featuring 2 Chains.
I can't believe I didn't post about this yesterday!!
LENT IS OVER!! Tumblr is back in my life once again.
However, 40+ days has changed things a bit. Tumblr is not as it used to be but I guess I'll just have to get back into the swing of things. Once I start using it more often everything will feel better. Giving it up, however, was good for me. I learned that I don't need all of these things to make me happy. I just need other things as well. Lolz.
I know it's late but also Happy Easter and happy April! :D
I still can't believe that I have to wait one more week until I can go on Tumblr again but alas, Easter is waiting just like spring is. So what better way to pass the time (and my last Spring Break of my college career) then by going to New York!!
Yes, the fam and I are going to New York again! We shall be in that beautiful city by tomorrow morning and I could not be more excited! It's a completely different world out there.
This is going to be a great spring break!! :D
Now as the Joker would say as he proceeded to try and destroy Gotham (which is really the island of Manhattan) "Here we go!"
And to pass your time, here's a One Direction song that I find very fitting for the situation. :D
So this is turning out to be a G.R.E.A.T day. First JT releases his album which is fucking amazing, I reminisced on old facebook friendships with my bestest buddies and realized that we are still in fact crazy and last but not least:
TYLER WARD TWEETED ME BACK!! Ahhhhh! :D I get an internet hug from him! I feel so special! :D
I'm surprised I didn't post about this the minute it came out. Well, better late than never.
So the Starkids have done it again. This last Friday they posted A Very Potter Senior Year (AVPSY) that they performed during Leaky Con 2012! Even with the script reading it was just as hilarious. Sometimes it's even more hilarious that even when Darren has lines in front of him he still messes them up. (My precious baby being precious). I love the shenanigans that the Starkids get up to and I am so very proud to say that I'm a Starkid.
All of us Starkids even got #OnlyStarkidsKnow as a top trend on twitter yesterday. See?
We're clearly a really awesome fandom. :D
All I can say is "Okay, is wonderful". :D Hope you enjoy.
Watching this totally made my weekend. These guys are so talented and amazing. I love them with all my heart. :D And if you watch the whole thing you'll find out what Gilderoy Lockhart's secret fantasy is. Trust me, it's worth it. ;)
I've just had one of those moments. That moment when you're sitting on your couch listening to music and you just feel...content. It's one of those moments when you can just close your eyes and take it all in. The beautiful voice in your head, the lyrics that take you to your sacred place and the beauty of the world around you. It's one of those moments when everything feels right. You have no worries or cares because everything feels possible. You just have you and your head phones and a comfortable seat. It's a beautiful moment.
Now, I don't support the whole craze that's going around of people doing the "Harlem" shake because they are in fact NOT doing the Harlem shake but looking like idiots to the song and calling it the Harlem Shake. But my stance is besides the point.
My point is the fact that Misha Collins tweeted about this video taken from the set of Supernatural and it's hilarious. Well at least the beginning is. :D
Either way you shake it, this video is entertaining.
Here is Misha's cheeky tweet to go along with it because you know I love his tweets. :D
I concur with his notion of this being porn. However, my only suggestion would be his presence along with Jared and Jensen. :D Just sayin.
I'm so excited to finally see the Trailer for Kristen Wiig's new movie Imogene with my lovely husband Darren Criss. Not only do I love Darren beyond reason but any movie with Kristen in it is bound to be full of laughs and greatness.
So here's the lovely trailer for the movie. Enjoy. :D
And yes, Darren is wearing black eye liner and singing to N'Sync songs. As if I couldn't fall in love with him more. :D
My level of happiness has just completely shot up 10 fold. Thank you Darren.
So one thing that I'm appreciating about Lent is that it's got me blogging again and so here's a beautiful song that will maybe inspire you to get up and go after what you want, anything you want.
This is Maybe Tonight by The Summer Set (I saw them in concert about a year and a half ago and they were amazing) The single will be released in the US on April 16th.
And then suddenly it hit me. That moment you realize you're not half empty. That moment, of all moments. Like there is music in the night and we can dance the sun out of the sky. These are the nights where everything feels possible. Maybe one day we'll fall short of the stories we tell but tonight we're just more than words on a page. We are here, we are different and we are everlasting. We are half-moon kinds. We are legendary.
Remember when I said I was in love with Misha Collins? Like just 2 days ago? Remember?
Well here's just a few great reasons why. :D
1) He has got parenting down pat. Misha and West are so damn cute together that I can't even get over it and the fact that Misha can get through this without laughing is beyond me, especially with his witty banter throughout. He's just that big of a pro. :D
Cooking Fast and Fresh with West
(Watch the whole thing. You won't regret it)
2) He tweets like a witty beast.
My favs from the last few months
3) The crazy deep Angel voice he does as Castiel. Genius; especially since Jared and Jensen had no idea what the fuck he was doing at first. Lolz
4) The simple fact that this is his twitter background. Amazing. :D That picture is priceless.
5) His relationship with Jensen Ackles. :D
I'm so glad I can find things to occupy myself during Lent. This just happens to be one of them. That and watching Supernatural episodes back to back. Ahhh, good times. :D
Gosh, I've always known this but I'm taking the time to appreciate this fact right now.
Adam Levine has the voice of an Angel. I'm not even kidding. It's just so soothing and gorgeous that I can't even handle it sometimes.
His voice at the end of this song when he's just doing random notes are just....sigh. I love that man (and of course Maroon 5). :D Also their most recent album Overexposed is sheer genius as sure you all know by now. Just reiterating the fact.
Beautiful Goodbye
There are so many pictures that I could post of him but there's really no point to that because there are so many great pics of him and I totally could have posted that one of him naked with his junk being covered by (thankfully) his ex girlfriend. But I think the blog would explode. So I'm just saving everyone the time of going blind by his sexiness. Lolz.
Gosh, I am having serious withdrawal pains. And it's not just from Tumblr. I'm having servere Supernatural withdrawal because I'm severely addicted to it and the worst part is is that I'll be watching the show as early as tomorrow morning and I've been thinking about the show all weekend. God, I love that show so much. I even considered buying the first 7 seasons (meaning spending over $200 just to have those precious episodes in my possession). I really wanna watch Once Upon a Time and it's not on tonight because of the Oscars and I have to wait a full week more to see it. I miss Glee and have to wait until March and I just want Blaine and Kurt to make up and be happy so I can be happy. I miss Teen Wolf so badly and it won't be back on for another 99 days which is an insanely long time. I'm suddenly feeling sad about Jane By The Design being cancelled because so many more things could have happened on the show and we will never get to see it (meaning Jane and Billy being together or Ben and Rita being together). It's just all very hard to deal with.
I'm just in pain.
It's so sad.
I'm watching Terminator Salvation and just realized that Sam Worthington is a South Paw, that makes me feel a little bit better.
By the end of today I will have been off of Tumblr for 10 whole days.That's gotta be some kind of record.
Only 30 more days to go.
It's gonna feel so good to go back on there when those 30 days are up. It'll feel like I'm rediscovering Tumblr all over again. And that will be a beautiful thing. :D
I usually don't partake in Lent, mostly because I can never think of anything good enough to give up for 40 days and 40 nights but this year I'm going to discipline myself and do it. And although I wouldn't call myself particularly religious or anything, I always feel like I should give something up for Lent.
So for 40 days and 40 nights, I'm giving up my supreme addiction and that is the wonderful world of Tumblr. I shall miss you dearly. But I shall also remain strong. Hopefully.
I think I can do it but I've also thought about going on Tumblr so many times today and it's only the first day of Lent. I even had to exit out of my Tumblr tab that I have open 24/7 (yeah, it's that bad).
This video of "This is the New Year"is simply magical. I mean Glee just keeps getting better and better. I don't know what it is about the video, maybe it's the lyrics, and the sound and the voices and the lovely people, or just all of the above.
I don't know but it's just pure beauty. :D
I must say that Jake and Marley are beyond adorable in this video. :D
Another year you made a promise
Another chance to turn it all around
And do not save this for tomorrow
Embrace the past and you can live for now
And I will give the world to you
Speak louder than the words before you
And give them meaning no one else has found
The role we play is so important
We are the voices of the under ground
And I will give the world to you
Say everything you've always wanted
Be not afraid of who you really are
Because in the end we have each other
And that's at least one thing worth living for
And I will give the world to you
A million suns that shine upon me
A million eyes, you are the brightest blue
Let's tear down the walls that divide us
And build a statue strong enough for two
Thursday night was a night to remember. Some Nights happened to be like that. :D I know I mentioned already in a previous post how amazing the band FUN is. We were about 10-12 rows back from that stage and had a GREAT view!!
Those guys are so much fun! The crowd was so into it, it was pure magic. Everyone moving to the music at the same time and all getting a different feeling of happiness from the experience.
It was a once in a lifetime night and I wouldn't trade it for the world.
At one point Jack started telling a story about his new idea for a movie. It's about a world where dogs talk and then the world goes crazy because the dogs start telling everybody's secrets. And why Jack is telling this story Nate and Andrew are just cracking up and Nate interrupts and goes: "Literally a second ago, Andrew just told me that this is the fucking worst idea ever". Those boys are so silly together.
One of the best nights ever. :D Why don't we break the rules already?
